MEDIA BLITZ
By John Molori
What’s the deal, Janet? And other pertinent post-Super Bowl questions
The score is final, the stats are history and the parade cleanup is complete. Super Bowl XXXVIII was the most-watched Super Bowl in history. It left football fans with some vivid memories, but to me, it left merely questions. After a few days of contemplation, here are my media-related queries.
Why isn’t ESPN’s Andrea Kremer a bigger star? Her pregame feature on Seahawks quarterback Trent Dilfer and the loss of his son Trevin was unforgettable. I was still crying fifteen minutes after the piece ended. Kremer walked that ever-so-thin line between sensitivity and exploitation. Her questions were poignant, yet not intrusive. It was easily the best, most insightful and heartfelt moment of Super Bowl Sunday.
Why did CBS waste our time with unspectacular features that had nothing to do with the Patriots or Panthers? Kyle Boller and Terrell Suggs of the Ravens. Ex-Bengals coach Sam Wyche. A Trent Green puppet. Dan Marino winning an Armadillo race. These segments ran the gamut from irrelevant, uninteresting, humorless and just plain silly. However, regarding the armadillo, it was nice to see Marino finally win something on Super Bowl Sunday.
Why doesn’t Sportsradio 850 WEEI’s “Big Show with Glenn Ordway” do more long-form interviews? Ordway’s group effort with ESPN’s Mark Schlereth during Super Bowl week was terrific. Schlereth delved into the subtle nuances of offensive line play. His exchanges with both Fred Smerlas and Steve DeOssie were chock full of info that only players would know. Here’s a wish for less cohost chatter and more interviews for “The Big Show” in 2004.
Why are streakers always out of shape? The guy who ran across the Reliant Stadium field just before halftime looked like a horrible hybrid of Tom Arnold, the late Chris Farley and George “The Animal” Steele. Wouldn’t it be refreshing to see a Victoria’s Secret model prance across our primetime screens in a drunken stupor? I can dream, can’t I?
When will Jeff Fisher be fired? The Titans coach is in no danger of losing his job and that’s too bad for viewers. Fisher did solid double duty as an ESPN and CBS pregame analyst. His breakdown of film with CBS analyst Phil Simms was a real treat for fans interested in the X’s and O’s of football.
Was that Duran Duran performing on CBS or has the Lawrence Welk Band reunited? It’s clear that lead singer Simon Le Bon and the boys are aging about as gracefully as cantaloupe.
Were Ty Law and Steve Smith having fun? Deion Sanders’ CBS interview with Law and Smith was seemingly filled with laughs, smiles and camaraderie, but the tension was palpable. While Sanders attempted to foster a good-natured atmosphere, Law and Smith never so much as looked at each other. It was clear that each man could barely tolerate the other’s mere existence.
What team was Simms watching? Late in the game, Simms praised the Panthers for not showboating or taunting opponents in celebration. I guess he missed Steve Smith’s array of Alvin Ailey gyrations each time he so much as caught a pass. Smith looked like a Solid Gold dancer on steroids.
What’s the deal, Janet? When Justin Timberlake exposed half of Janet Jackson’s “upper body” during the halftime show, jaws dropped. Undoubtedly, the move was inappropriate for family viewing, but it was no worse than Kid Rock’s desecration of the American Flag or Nelly and P. Diddy’s womanizing lyrics. By the way, with the green t-shirt, baggy pants and scruffy beard, Timberlake looked like Shaggy from “Scooby-Doo” fame.
Where was Jessica? My biggest Super Bowl disappointment was the limited airtime for pop superstar Jessica Simpson. I loved the revealing bandleader outfit to open the halftime show, but Simpson was on-screen for no more than five seconds. That’s a torturous tease. Similarly, Simpson’s Pizza Hut ad with the Muppets was all too fleeting. And one more thing, the next time Miss Piggy lays a hand on Simpson, she’s going to end up alongside a couple of poached eggs on my breakfast plate.
Why does referee Ed Hochuli think he is the show? Hochuli’s egotism as a referee is apparent in his every move. In the Pats’ 2002 AFC title clash with Pittsburgh, the arrogant Hochuli led one of the worst officiated games in history. On Sunday, after calling an inane false start on Tom Brady, Hochuli laughed in the QB’s direction. Brady was not amused. Hochuli should focus on making better calls and spend less time posing down for the cameras.
What’s with the lame commercial spokesmen? Simply put, Cedric the Entertainer is not funny. And the blonde kid in the IBM ad has to be the son of that banjo-playing inbred kid from “Deliverance.” Both tikes scare the heck out of me.
When does Bill Parcells open on Broadway? My favorite ad of the day was the NFL Network promo featuring Parcells, Jerry Jones, Torry Holt, Warren Sapp and other playoff losers singing “Tomorrow.” Parcells and Jones were hilarious together. Let’s face it. Whether it’s coaching a team or carrying a tune, Parcells is pure gold.
Why didn’t all this happen when we were younger? I envy those toddlers and teenagers who can truly enjoy this Patriots squad. The Super Bowl is still fun, but as an adult, it’s hard to fully revel in the team’s heroism. Work, deadlines and just plain life make the euphoria dissipate all too quickly. Thanks to this amazing Patriots team for giving the real world a good dosage of innocence. Goodness knows, we sure need it.
John Molori’s Media Blitz column is published in The Boston Metro, The Providence Journal, The Lawrence Eagle-Tribune, The Lowell Sun, Patriots Football Weekly, BostonSportsMedia.com and MethuenOnline.com. John can be reached via E-mail at JOMOL3@aol.com.
